Desperate to Be Desperate

A couple of weeks ago, between songs on a Sunday morning, our worship pastor said he was desperate to be desperate. I got it immediately. His words pierced my heart. My sentiments exactly. I am desperate to be desperate.

I know what it's like to be desperate for God. To not know if I can face the day without an overwhelming sense of His presence. To pour over the same psalm day after day because I hear Him (though not audibly) speaking to my soul through the words. To recognize that He loves me desperately and completely and it is enough. He is enough, more than enough.

I am desperate to be at that place again. To not be on autopilot or in a place of self-sufficiency. Oh, don't get me wrong, I want it without the hardship or without going through the valley. See, I believe I follow Him daily. I seek His guidance and direction and voice. I depend on Him. But, I fully know that there's a difference between this and desperation. Between the walking and following and the pursuit by a desperate soul.

My whole-hearted appeal is this: I want more of You, I want to know You more, I want to follow more closely...I want to be desperate. I won't take the next breath unless You give it. I won't write one more word, teach one more word, take one more step unless You go before me. I'll just be here, waiting...

and desperate.

Serving the King,

Jeanette