Thursday, May 14, 2015

On My 25th Mother's Day I Realized I'm a Failure As A Mother

That's right, a complete failure. I came to that realization standing in a coffee shop in Alabama with my daughter, Jessica. I mentioned that I'd like to go to Gulf Shores someday. Jessica replied, "Mom, no one in our family likes the beach except you. Even Christy." Christy, by the way, is my daughter-in-law and I adore her but even she is against me when it comes to the beach. How did I raise 3 kids and not guide any one of them to common interest of white, sandy beaches; beautiful, clear, salty water; and bright sunshine? Failure.

Later that evening, Jessica and I went to Brook Hills Church. Since they are without a senior pastor right now, the worship pastor preached. It was a Mother's Day sermon from Proverbs 31. Not the Proverbs 31, virtuous woman passage that one might have expected but it was from the 1st 9 verses of the chapter. Really, go read those 9 verses. It's a mother's desperate cries for her child. The 3 main points of the pastor's sermon applied to mothers and, really, to anyone who is discipling other believers.

Johnny and I tried to do those 3 things all the while we were raising our children. Some days (lots of days) parenting was really hard. I know we made mistakes. Probably lots of them.  Somehow, in God's grace and economy, we came through it. Toward the end of the sermon, the pastor said something to the effect of, "sow the seed and trust God for the results." We sowed some seed, we plowed some fields, and now we are reaping some pretty great benefits.

I loved the days I spent over Mother's Day weekend with Jess. I got to see her in her new environment and the life she is building in Alabama. I'm so proud of her and the responsibilities she has undertaken with her new job. I love how Josh is pursuing ministry and having lunch with him every Thursday is our routine. With one of my offspring already living in another state, I don't take weekly lunches for granted at all. I love the conversations I have with Jacob about politics (even when we don't agree) and history and music and food. I love how he is so loyal and kind-hearted. It's seriously grace and God's goodness toward me and Johnny that we are a part of lives of these three.

A couple of days later I was on my flight back to DFW with my earbuds in and playlist on shuffle. It never fails that Taylor Swift's "The Best Day" comes on when I'm thinking about my kids. Thankfully the seat next to me was empty so no one was there to see the tears fall down my face. Such good days have passed. I miss them terribly at times. The sadness for what is past is replaced with pride at the excellent adults these people that I gave birth to have become. I'm not proud because of anything I've done unless it's pray like crazy. God did the work.

I'll never stop being thankful for it.

Serving the King,