Saturday, October 18, 2008


I've lost it. Not that I was ever particularly fantastic at it, but I used to have deep thoughts that flowed out of my brain through my hand and onto the page. I wondered about things and searched and researched to find the answers. I aspired to know -- now I feel like my brain is jello. It's actually more like oatmeal...mushy.

I cannot count how many times I've sat at this computer and wanted to type from the recesses of my inner thoughts, to expound on the computer screen some great biblical truth that God is teaching me. Oh, He's definitely teaching me...I just cannot find the words to express all that is going on in my heart.

I miss being in school where I was forced (though I secretly loved it) to write and to study and to know. I miss meaningful conversation and deep spiritual contemplation with my fellow students. Though most were younger than I am, their insight and enthusiasm inspired me.

I'm in a new season...lots of new things. It seems like so much is happening that I spend my time running and jumping from one thing to the next without stopping to absorb that which really drives me.

I leave in less than one week for India. I have a busy November planned. Johnny was so kind (cough, cough) to count it out and inform me that I will only be home for 11 of the 34 days starting Oct. 24th. Perhaps the many, many hours I will spend time traveling over the next few weeks will cause me to stop. Though I will be physically moving from one place to the next, trapped in my airplane or car seat, I will have to be still. And, in that stillness, I hope to find...something that I am unable to express. It's description is there, in the mush.

Serving the King and finding satisfaction in Him,


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