Monday, February 22, 2010

Desperate to Be Desperate

A couple of weeks ago, between songs on a Sunday morning, our worship pastor said he was desperate to be desperate. I got it immediately. His words pierced my heart. My sentiments exactly. I am desperate to be desperate.

I know what it's like to be desperate for God. To not know if I can face the day without an overwhelming sense of His presence. To pour over the same psalm day after day because I hear Him (though not audibly) speaking to my soul through the words. To recognize that He loves me desperately and completely and it is enough. He is enough, more than enough.

I am desperate to be at that place again. To not be on autopilot or in a place of self-sufficiency. Oh, don't get me wrong, I want it without the hardship or without going through the valley. See, I believe I follow Him daily. I seek His guidance and direction and voice. I depend on Him. But, I fully know that there's a difference between this and desperation. Between the walking and following and the pursuit by a desperate soul.

My whole-hearted appeal is this: I want more of You, I want to know You more, I want to follow more closely...I want to be desperate. I won't take the next breath unless You give it. I won't write one more word, teach one more word, take one more step unless You go before me. I'll just be here, waiting...

and desperate.

Serving the King,

Jeanette

3 comments:

Holly Robertson said...

I was there that day!It WAS awesome...

Kathy W said...

Completely agree and am right there with you, girl! I'm afraid, though, that I can only be TRULY desperate, when I'm in that crisis mode during a trial or temptation or testing....It's sort of like praying for patience....I pray that I do not have to be enduring something hard in order to be truly desperate for him....so, does that make me desperate? It's one of those things that is circular, I think. I definitely believe that He honors our desire to be desperate, though.

Hope this makes some kind of sense. I'm kind of rambling today, but my heart is there!

Jeanette said...

Holly - I'm glad you were there!!

Kathy - Does being desperate to be desperate mean I'm already there? I like how you think - I can relate. And, no, I don't EVER pray for patience! LOL